My Mommy Confessions

"I don't know how you do it." I get that a lot.

But frankly, there are many days where I'm just BARELY doing "it" - whatever "it" is in the first place.

I may appear to have it all together. I may appear to be the pinnacle of patience with my kids. It may appear that my kids are well-behaved, and that we have tons of fun together.

But those are all appearances.

Things are rarely so peachy keen.

I forget to do stuff all the time. I lose my patience with my kids DAILY (sometimes, hourly). My kids can act like spoiled little heathens. And there are times when the last thing I want to do is ANYTHING fun for them.

I think a reason that it seems like I have it all together, is because I try really hard to put a positive spin on things. I have found that it helps my mentality SO MUCH to focus on the positive and not dwell on the negative.

I rarely blog about how dreadful the kids were today, or how angry I got at them, or how upset I am about this or that. Mainly because by the time I come to blog, I've moved on.

Looking back on my blog though, I see that it does appear I only blog about the good stuff. I seem to avoid blogging about the bad stuff. In fact, my friend Amy, just did a Mommy Confessions blog post the other day. I told her I was going to do my own, but I chickened out because I just didn't want to post my confessions for the world to see. I don't want to be judged. I used to be that very judgmental mom. The "I would NEVER..." or "my kids would NEVER..." mom. Well, you know what, I did, and my kids did too. A million times over. So... I'm going to face my fears, and post my Mommy Confessions! Well, some of them... baby steps, right?

*I gave Leah a bath today for the first time in over a week.

*I bought the "jeans" diapers for Graham.

*I had to pull out the belt today. Yes, we spank our kids. But I'm the on-the-spot hand spanker. Eric is the belt spanker. I hate pulling out the belt. I cried afterward.

*Leah still sleeps in her swing. And it has to be on full speed, with the music and light show going.

*My kids have eaten hot dogs or corndogs more times than I care to admit this week.

*Natalie has still not finished her 1st grade schoolwork because even though we took our long hiatus in the spring after Leah was born, I keep telling myself it's summer!

*I hate that I yell at my kids. I hate that I'm a yeller at all. I'm terrified of the teen years' screaming matches that are bound to ensue in this estrogen filled house.

*The last time I cleaned out the girls' room, I found dozens of food wrappers under their dresser. Apparently, they'd been sneaking food into their room for months.

I'm out. There are many many more, but they will have to wait for another day.

Updates

Leah and I went to the lactation consultant today and it was a great appt. The LC said that she is not worried about Leah's weight at all. While she is gaining "slowly" it's really not out of the ordinary for a breastfed baby. She is healthy, long, and lean. Totally fine. I am feeling so much better!

I went last week to get my thyroid levels checked because I hadn't gone back to do it at all since Leah was born. The labs came back elevated and they sent me for an u/s. Turns out I have a nodule on my thyroid, so they are referring me to a specialist and I'll see them next week. They'll most likely do a biopsy. I am kind of nervous about all of this, so please say a prayer for me. I am trying not to be anxious about any of it, but that's easier said than done.

5 months

At 5 months old, Leah:
is wearing 3-6 mos size clothes
wears a size 2 diaper
sleeps really well some nights (only waking once) and not so great other nights (waking every 1-2 hours)
takes 1-3 naps every day
likes being worn in the pouch
actually likes riding in the car now
loves attention and lets you know it by smiling and squealing at you

I took Leah to the dr. a couple weeks ago for a check up and they are concerned about her weight. She is not gaining as well as they'd like. We've been trying to supplement, but she will NOT take a bottle, and our attempts at other methods have not gone well either. I have an appt. with a lactation consultant next week to make sure she is doing as well as she can at nursing, and we have a few appts with other specialists next month to rule out other things that could be causing the slow weight gain.

I, personally, feel like she is fine. She is gaining slowly, but she's still gaining, and she is healthy in every other regard. She is meeting and surpassing all her milestones. However, I don't want to ignore the issue and let it get out of hand. I don't want her to get to a point where she stops gaining, or starts losing, so we are taking all the measures we need to take to make sure she gets what she needs.

I finally uploaded some more pics from my camera. For your viewing pleasure...

Clean

So I spent a few hours last week weeding through ALL our toys and getting rid of things that were broken, missing pieces, etc. Basically all the crap that had accumulated in our playroom. I reorganized all the toys and it was BEAUTIFUL. I knew it wouldn't stay that way for long, but I enjoyed it while it lasted. I wish I'd taken a picture, honestly I do.

Fast forward to yesterday. It was "cleaning day". I told the girls I wanted everything picked up downstairs and that I was going to work on cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms. I spent 2 hours going up and down stairs, cleaning, feeding Leah, changing Graham, cleaning some more, changing Leah, feeding Leah again, and cleaning some more. Each time I went up or down the stairs I got onto the girls for playing instead of cleaning. Finally I got to the end of my rope and told them to just walk away and leave it alone and I'd take care of it. Then I proceeded to box up every single one of their toys and move them all to the guest room. It was kind of funny because while Erica was completely devastated, Natalie didn't really care. Erica is a big "toy" kid. She LOVES her toys. She is always playing with her My Little Ponies, or her Barbies, or her dolls, or her dinosaurs, or toy cars. You can often find her throwing a birthday party for one of her "friends" or having a picnic. Natalie on the other hand, has never been a "toy" kid. She'd much rather be reading, or playing games, or coloring, or doing workbooks, or playing wii, etc. She *does* play with toys, but only when Erica does. In fact, even though Natalie owned Barbies, she never really played with them until Erica started to. And now she only does it to play with Erica. When I say it's time to clean up, it's almost always Natalie that ends up cleaning up the mess, because Erica is in her own little lala land. I think Natalie was actually *glad* to have all the toys put away. I'm sure she was thinking "now I don't have to play ponies with Erica," or "now I don't have put away all of Erica's barbies anymore." I left the "big" toys and the basket of baby toys and stuffed animals. I told the girls that if they could keep that clean, then they'd slowly start getting their toys back. I am even thinking about doing their toys on a rotation. Like one week leave out the ponies, next week the barbies, next week dress up etc. I don't know yet. All I know is I am tired of the entire downstairs being covered with toys.

This is how our playroom looks right now.

And I'm totally digging it.

Eat Mor Chikin

Some of you may know that today is Cow Appreciation Day, and in celebration, Chick Fil A is giving away free food to anyone who comes in dressed as a cow. I thought the kids would have a great time getting dressed up, playing and eating at CFA. So I got them all gussied up and we headed over.

OMG it was so crazy packed. As I was making my way through the parking lot looking for a space, there was minivan after minivan of moms trying to get their little calves to head toward the door. I looked inside and saw a herd of people waiting in line for food, and no empty tables. Um, kids, how does Red Robin sound? lol

So we drove next door to Red Robin. I always joke that if I had a dime for every time I've been told "you've got your hands full", I could buy... well almost anything I wanted lol. Well, today, I certainly would have made a few bucks. I think I heard it no less than 5 times before we even got to our table. Not kidding. I got "the look" from several of the people we were seated near as soon as we sat down. I mean, I get it. A mom walks in by herself with 4 kids, 6 and under. But we JUST GOT THERE. And let me just toot my own horn a little here, because my kids were sooo well behaved almost the entire time we were there. I say almost, because Leah started wailing when the check came. So the last 2 minutes or so were me trying desperately to keep her happy even though I know all she wanted was to eat and go to sleep. I will admit that I was secretly hoping that the waiter, a hostess, ANYONE to compliment me on how well behaved my kids had been. I mean, seriously, no fries thrown, no tears, no whining, only a small mini meltdown as we made our exit. COME ON!!! That is pretty awesome! But, as it goes with being a mom, the praise is never expected and is often overlooked. I still feel like it was a victory.

And out of respect for the cows, no beef was consumed at Red Robin either lol.

Pigs in out of a blanket

When I peeked in at Leah at naptime today, I noticed she'd kicked the blanket off her feet and I thought she looked so cute with her little piggies hanging out. I thought I'd snap a few pics of her (it was nearing the end of naptime anyway) and got my new favorite pic of the moment...



Soon followed by my favorite little smile...

First Taste of Rice Cereal

I had originally planned to wait until closer to 6 mos to start Leah on cereal, but I have a stash of frozen breastmilk that needs to be used before it expires, and she doesn't take a bottle. So... I figured I'd slowly start mixing it with cereal and see how she did. We tried it today for the first time. She didn't take much of it, but I think it was a success! I really had my doubts because the girls freaks out when you try to put ANYTHING in her mouth other than a boob (pacifier, teething toy, washcloth, finger etc.). She was cautious at first, but once she tasted that sweet milky goodness, she was ok with it!















And for fun, a stroll down memory lane...

Natalie's first cereal at *almost* 4 mos old


Erica's first cereal at *almost* 5 mos old


Graham's first cereal at *almost* 6 mos old


and Leah again, at 4 1/2 mos old


eta: I just realized after looking at these pics, that they were each in a different house!

9 years

When Eric and I think back to when we got married, we see two young kids, dumb and in love.

We often wonder "who in the heck let us get married?" HA! Obviously it has worked out, but really, what were we thinking?

We were young when we started dating, young when we got engaged, young when we got married, and young when we had out first baby. We just recently laughed at how we're even young to be completed with our family. I mean, we're in our twenties, and our child bearing years are behind us. We may have done things out of the ordinary, but God knew. God knew that shy 16 year old boy would sweep that loud 15 year old girl off her feet.

He knew that we'd walk down the aisle at the tender ages of 19 and 20.

He knew that we'd be each others one and only. He knew that we'd give life to 4 beautiful little beings. And He knew that 9 years later, we'd look back and know that it was Him that not only brought us together, but kept us together.

Even though Eric hates that I leave messes all over the house, and I hate that he always takes longer to do things than he says he will... I rest in knowing that the things we'll remember when we're old are the good times.

The times we cuddled up together on the couch and watched Glenn Beck or cuddled up in bed and watched The Notebook. The times we snuck off during Sunday afternoon naptime, to have some alone time of our own. The times we stayed up late talking about all the funny things the kids said that day. Eric, I love you more than I'll ever be able to express.

Here's to us, baby!

And here's to many more years to come!